Exhausted

I didn't really feel it till now, but the exhaustion set in during dinner...it was like as if a blanket wrapped around my brain and making me feel really heavy. I guess it's the change of climate from Japan to Singapore.

I was just walking around Orchard after dinner, and i realise how much of a foreigner i feel in this country. I never really fit in with the culture here, and I hate the fact life here is so damn suffocating for young Singaporeans: the expectations, the struggle to excel in what you're really passionate about versus the pressure of society and economy. And the fact that everyone just accepts the flow because it makes things easier, and when someone tries to walk a different path, people go 'ooh' and 'ahh' but deep down they think you're a loser for choosing such a hard life 'cause money is all that matters most to them.

I guess you can say I'm a Japan fanatic, or I'm just being escapist, or unrealistic, and i should fit in and get on with society like everybody else. It's been a dream since young to go to Japan, nurtured over time in between watching programmes like Japan Hour with my Pa, spending hours trying to find that indie anime no one's really heard of instead of popular titles like Naruto and Bleach, reading about their culture, stuff like that. And when i finally spent 10 days in Japan, learning about their culture walking the streets alone at night, immersing myself in the wonder of their scenery, silently observing the Japanese customs and their way of life...and it's way exceeded what i dreamt of.

Sure, Japan is a busy place, and Tokyo even busier than Singapore, and there are not-so-good aspects to their culture as well...but truth is, the 10 days i spent there, i felt more at home than any other place i've been..maybe except my bedroom.

I want to write a song about it but i keep choking up when i try to think of the words...it makes me feel too sad. But life still moves on in it's silent and sometimes surprising way, and I will make of what i can from it.

OH WHAT THE HECK, I'm going there again in ...9 days time? haha...

Josh.